Let Them.

Just let them.

Hello my darlings,

I first want to share a YouTube video that has really spoken to me lately.

Here it is:

In case you want to read the poem that she reads, it is shared below.

I’m sharing these because, like I said, they resonated deeply with me.

Some thoughts-

The author leaves the subject of this poem so ambiguous. Is it the same person who left her that is proving themselves to her in the latter half of the poem? Or is it someone new? Does it matter?

The most important piece I’ve taken from this is not about letting go of anyone or anything; rather, it’s the part that reads, “You were never theirs because you were always your own.”

She doesn’t say “on your own,” which brings to mind a sense of loneliness, rather, she says “you were always your own,” which gives the reader their autonomy back.

Autonomy is something I’ve always craved, and to be completely honest, my diabetes diagnosis and other ongoing events in my life have made it nearly impossible to feel the freedom I’ve always chased.

Every time I feel as though I’ve unlocked a new door on my healing journey, I’m struck by funhouse mirrors, turning me upside down.

Each time I have the feeling as though things might be starting to go in my direction, I’m hit by a tsunami that knocks me beyond the treeline.

I’m exhausted. Not so much physically, as emotionally. If my soul had a face, it would be pale, black, and bruised, abused by people who had just kissed it on the cheek earlier that day. But I’m taking it back. It’s time to heal. To patch it up and get some color back into it.

That is why I am now waving my metaphorical white flag. It’s less about me literally allowing someone to do something. They can do whatever they want to do, with whoever they choose. I certainly never stopped them. It’s all about taking back my power and choosing to no longer care. Because I refuse to let my heart harden over someone who didn’t choose me.

I’m letting them lose me. But I, for one, am choosing me.

In the wise words of Taylor Swift, “It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference.”